Things you have to be a republican to believe.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to the spirit of international harmony.
A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
A president lying about a blowjob is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s cocaine conviction is none of our business.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.
You support states’ rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they are allowed to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is irrelevant.
Via MadScience who got it via born_stubborn

Dave Shevett

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A wandering geek. Toys, shiny things, pursuits and distractions.

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7 thoughts on “Things you have to be a republican to believe.

  1. Since about that time, war had been literally continuous, though strictly speaking it had not always been the same war. For several months during his childhood there had been confused street fighting in London itself, some of which he remembered vividly. But to trace out the history of the whole period, to say who was fighting whom at any given moment, would have been utterly impossible, since no written record, and no spoken word, ever made mention of any other alignment than the existing one. At this moment, for example, in 1984 (if it was 1984), Oceania was at war with Eurasia and in alliance with Eastasia. In no public or private utterance was it ever admitted that the three powers had at any time been grouped along different lines. Actually, as Winston well knew, it was only four years since Oceania had been at war with Eastasia and in alliance with Eurasia. But that was merely a piece of furtive knowledge which he happened to possess because his memory was not satisfactorily under control. Officially the change of partners had never happened. Oceania was at war with Eurasia: therefore Oceania had always been at war with Eurasia. The enemy of the moment always represented absolute evil, and it followed that any past or future agreement with him was impossible.
    1984 George Orwell

  2. THINGS YOU HAVE TO BE AN IDIOT TO BELIEVE.
    That arming or doing business with someone is
    tantamount to declaring him a “good guy”.
    So that, for example, Roosevelt must have
    considered Stalin a “good guy”.
    That the abortion debate is about whether a
    woman can be trusted with decisions about her
    own body.
    That veterans’ benefits and combat pay should be
    determined without regard to any considerations
    other than military morale.
    That in order to oppose condoms in schools, you
    must believe they’re the only cause of the
    adolescent sex.
    That anyone has ever believed or argued that “HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart”.
    That it even makes sense to ask whether “tobacco’s link to cancer is junk
    science”, as opposed to the unthinkably
    subtle possibility that some studies might be
    junk science even though other studies *on the
    exact* same subject might not be.
    That anyone anywhere has ever declared that lying
    about a blowjob is an impeachable offense, and that by omitting the inconvenient phrase “under
    oath” you can make the whole issue go away.
    Et cetera. This kind of thing is really beneath
    you, Dave.

  3. Maybe you should check out your sponsors…?
    Actually, the sponsors links are generated based on the content of the page, via Google’s adsense program. I really have very little control over what is displayed there – when I make political commentary, tha’ts fed into Google’s ad engine, and things appropriate to those subjects are posted.
    I believe that other folks who use Google have a right to have their ads here – if someone clicks on them, I make a little money – I enjoy the thought that if you click through to some right wingy fundy site, they actually don’t get any money, but I do. So click away! 8)

  4. WotW comments:
    Et cetera. This kind of thing is really beneath you, Dave.
    This is also political satire. Taking comments like this at absolute face value removes any significance of the irony in the comments.
    But since you wish to make a point by point argument, lets look at the very last one you mentioned:
    That anyone anywhere has ever declared that lying about a blowjob is an impeachable offense, and that by omitting the inconvenient phrase “under oath” you can make the whole issue go away.
    The independent counsel investigating Clinton’s financial dealings had ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT even remotely asking this question. It had no bearing on the case, and he was deliberately searching for ways to attack Clinton. There was no greater good served in that entire proceeding, and in fact, tremendous damage was done to the political environment, as a man was put in a positioin where he absolutely cannot lie, no matter what question is asked of him – and the questions themselves can not be questioned.
    And furthermore, given the scope and relevance of the question, do you IMPEACH a POPULAR president, who is doing WELL by the country, for this type of offense? You do not. You censure. Impeachment is a dramatic procedure where an attempt is made to remove a government official from office. Do you honestly believe that Clinton should be impeached for this?
    In the context of ‘he should never have been asked that question in the first place’, lets take GW, and put him under oath, and allow an independent counsel to ask -him- any question. “Did you have green beans for dinner last week?” If he says “No”, and that is found to be wrong, do we impeach him? The question is not ‘lied’ or ‘didn’t lie’. The question IMHO is “did this lie happen and threaten the US, it’s people, or it’s interests?” Can you honestly say this lie was a lie that anyone BUT the right wing political engine really cared about?
    I stand by my condemnation utter hypocrisy of the Republican party, where even the smallest slight by the Left seems to justify gross injustices on the right. This posting personified that hypocrisy by putting the comments in what I felt was a witty and satirical structure.

  5. I promise not to belabor this further, and
    to cheerfully let you have the last word if
    you want it, but:
    1) I just don’t see what’s “satirical” about
    making a list of totally stupid political
    positions and then attributing those positions
    to your opponents, who have never taken such
    positions. I could as well say that “Only
    Democrats think owls are rodents” and call it
    political satire. It just seems pointless
    and entirely unfunny.
    2) Clinton lied about blowjobs under oath
    long before the independent counsel took any
    interest in the matter. I completely agree
    that if the independent counsel had raised
    this issue out of the blue it would have been
    grossly inappropriate. Given that Clinton
    had *already* committed the impeachable
    offense, I think it would have been derelict
    for the independent counsel to fail to pursue
    it.

  6. I promise not to belabor this further, and
    to cheerfully let you have the last word if
    you want it, but:
    1) I just don’t see what’s “satirical” about
    making a list of totally stupid political
    positions and then attributing those positions
    to your opponents, who have never taken such
    positions. I could as well say that “Only
    Democrats think owls are rodents” and call it
    political satire. It just seems pointless
    and entirely unfunny.
    2) Clinton lied about blowjobs under oath
    long before the independent counsel took any
    interest in the matter. I completely agree
    that if the independent counsel had raised
    this issue out of the blue it would have been
    grossly inappropriate. Given that Clinton
    had *already* committed the impeachable
    offense, I think it would have been derelict
    for the independent counsel to fail to pursue
    it.

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